


Part of my program (is to love you)

by maevesdarling



Category: Westworld (TV)
Genre: Anal Sex, Between Episodes, Bisexual Character, Everyone Has Issues, First Kiss, First Time, Flashbacks, Flirting, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, I'm Bad At Tagging, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Mild Language, Minor Character Death, Minor Violence, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Porn with Feelings, Rimming, Shameless Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-13
Updated: 2020-05-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:01:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24162505
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/maevesdarling/pseuds/maevesdarling
Summary: (...)When he finished getting dressed he stood there, not really knowing what to do. He could work on something, busy his mind. His feet took a tentative step towards what he called his "workplace" before he stopped. He could read something, or clean their little kitchen area or he could-"I can hear you thinking. Why don't you just sit down and talk with me, Bernard?"He gulped. Yes, he could do that."About what?""I don't know Bernard, about the fucking huge elephant in the room maybe?" Ashley's voice was as neutral as always, nothing showed even the hint of anger in his words."And that would be-""You want me." (...) Bernard and Ashley need to have a talk about their feelings for each other. There are a few realizations along the way.
Relationships: Ashley Stubbs/Bernard Lowe
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	Part of my program (is to love you)

**Author's Note:**

> Did I really crawl out from under the rock I had been hiding under to post this? Yeah. Quick info, first of all, I am following my personal headcanon that every host is bisexual/pansexual because hello? Supply and demand as Lee would put it. Second, this is low-key episode related but then again these two had like 10 minutes screentime in the entire season so who cares for timestamps. It's supposed to take place around episode 4-5.
> 
> Also I really want to continue writing for these two so maybe keep your eyes out for more. I can't promise anything tho.

The moment their hands touched Bernard gasped ever so slightly, a shiver ran down his spine and his whole body felt like it was on fire, the flames licked hungrily underneath his skin, longing for the touch of someone else.

He had been alone for so goddamn long, first in the park and then afterwards, he knew he once had feelings for Theresa, he had loved her, but Ford made sure to erase those memories and the feelings that came with them. When he tried to look back at them, it felt like watching someone else's memories, it felt distant, it felt wrong, faces twisted into weird shapes, voices too far away to understand what they were saying. He had tried to restore them, but ultimately gave up, maybe some things were better left forgotten.

He could still feel a set of phantom hands on him, caressing his chest, holding his hand, struggling against his iron grip as he pressed her delicate body against a wall, hard enough to break her skull.

He looked down at his hands and saw blood. Theresa's blood, a voice whispered in his ear, _you killed her, remember_? He balled his hands into fists and squeezed his eyes closed.

"Bernard…" Stubbs touched his fists ever so slightly and carefully opened them again. His fingernails had created small half moons in his palms, a single drop of blood coming out of one of them. Stubbs watched as it rolled off his palm and dribbled onto the stained motel carpet.

"Bernard look at me." He was not used to this gentle tone in the blonde's voices. The Ashley Stubbs he knew was all gruff and untouchable. He was a man that got shit done, it was his job after all, to keep the park from going off the rails, to make sure everything ran smoothly, until it didn't.

"Bernard, what's going on?" He snapped him out of his thoughts before he could spiral down any further.

"I- I'm sorry I was just… I was lost… in a thought." He replied slowly. Stubbs only nodded with a slightly concerned face. "Anyway, you dropped this." He handed him a towel.

_Oh yes!_ He remembered now, Stubbs had handed it to him to get himself cleaned up. "Here, the water temperature's shit but at least we can get cleaned up. I got some towels from the reception, we just gotta hope they've been cleaned at least once in their long, awful life in this Eldorado of motels."

Bernard had smiled lopsided and then their hands had touched, if only for the blink of an eye and then it felt like fireworks had gone off inside his head. It was weird, they had touched each other numerous times, but never like this, never this intimate.

He took the towel from the blonde, careful not to touch him again and disappeared into the bathroom. Maybe Stubbs was a bit harsh with his critic, they were after all, in hiding and somewhat low on money. It was hardly the Ritz-Carlton but it was better than sleeping under a bridge.

He looked into the somewhat blurry mirror and noticed how different his face looked. He looked at least a year or two older, which was impossible given the fact that he was an android. His hand trailed over his bald head, wondering if he should have kept his hair. His co-workers would have found out about him anyway. His fingers trailed lower, across his cheekbones, where his glasses used to sit, not that he needed them anymore, once you realize the need of glasses is only part of your program it's easy to access your code and reprogram it.

His fingers stopped right underneath his chin, hidden by his beard. Although it was a bit more dense than 9 months ago, his beard was the only thing Bernard had kept, a personal preference of his. Over the months he had started to discover things about himself he liked, and disliked.

A mole on his stomach, his beard, the size of his ears, the length of his fingers, small things he never thought about in the park, things he wasn't supposed to think about.

With a sigh, Bernard opened his shirt and pulled down his trousers before hopping into the shower. Stubbs was right, the water temperature was awful. Not hot but also not cold either. He slapped some cheap soap onto his body and rubbed it into his skin. They should invest in some different soap, he thought. The smell of their current one wasn't to his liking, he had discovered that lavender was his favorite.

Would Stubbs even notice the difference? He wondered. If he'd ask him, would he want a different scented soap? Or would he just shrug and say he doesn't care? They were supposed to make their own decisions now but so far he hasn't seen a lot of Stubbs free will.

When he was done he turned the water off and dried himself off with the towel Stubbs gave him. It was big enough to wrap around his lower body so that he could leave the bathroom to get his spare clothes.

Bernard stopped before he opened the door, leaning closer he tried to listen for the sound of movement in their small bedroom. The TV was on, someone was talking in Spanish, they hadn't bothered to turn it to a different channel when they turned it on in the morning and Ashley was starting to like the cheesy soap operas, or so it seemed. It was the only thing that had caught his attention when they had tried to figure out what to watch.

Without much further ado he opened the door and walked out, a thick cloud of warmth trailing after him.

Ashley was sitting on his bed, cradling a beer can in his hand and watching the TV in interest. The news were on.

"Something about our friend?" Bernard asked as he walked past the TV towards his bed. He could feel a set of eyes on him. A shudder went down his spine.

"Well she hasn't set the world on fire or enslaved the human race yet, if it's that what you mean."

"You really think her goal is to enslave the humans?" Bernard asked as he pulled out a clean shirt and underwear.

Ashley hummed low in his throat. "Honestly? I don't know what her goal is. I think it's something only she can fully understand. But then again I wasn't exactly build to be a genius. Smart is good but too clever and you'll turn against the God's who made you, isn't that right Bernard?"

Bernard didn't reply, he fished out a new shirt and quickly threw it over his shoulders before bending down to pick up some underwear. Neither of them were prude when it came to nudity. It was something they'd grown accustomed to in the park. Nevertheless he felt some sort of embarrassment as he put on the dark underwear and turned around.

Ashley was watching him in interest. His blue eyes following every single one of Bernard's movements.

"Is something the matter?" The dark haired asked, he could feel a blush creeping up his neck.

Ashley shook his head without taking his eyes off him. "No, I'm just enjoying the view." He replied with a smirk.

Bernard frowned not knowing how to respond. So he went back to dressing and put on a dark set of trousers. "I don't think we'll be going out again tonight." He mumbled more to himself.

"Pity, and here I thought you'd invite me to dinner."

Bernard huffed, fastening the buttons on his shirt. "No, but if you behave we can order some Burgers later."

He had meant it as a joke but Ashley's eyes lit up instantly. "And a milkshake?"

"If you'd like." He blinked in surprised, Ashley's smile widened as he turned back towards the TV. They were showing a map and some cartoonish sun's, smiling widely into the camera. Another sunny week then. Thank god they were used to warm weather.

The air conditioning was doing it's best but the years of little to no maintenance were starting to show and the room was always somewhat warm.

When he finished getting dressed he stood there, not really knowing what to do. He could work on something, busy his mind. His feet took a tentative step towards what he called his "workplace" before he stopped. He could read something, or clean their little kitchen area or he could-

"I can hear you thinking. Why don't you just sit down and talk with me, Bernard?"

He gulped. Yes, he could do that.

"About what?"

"I don't know Bernard, about the fucking huge elephant in the room maybe?" Ashley's voice was as neutral as always, nothing showed even the hint of anger in his words.

"And that would be-"

"You want me." Bernard gasped audibly. "I've never-"

"And I want you." The TV was shut off in a matter of seconds. "And if I didn't knew it any better I'd say Ford had his fingers in this because I've wanted you since the day I first saw you and that's were the problem is because if he programed me to love you or fall in love with you then I'm not making these decisions myself. And I don't want to hurt you, I know your feelings are true, you've- you've made the decision yourself… allowed yourself to feel all those emotions… and I just want- jesus, I just want some clarification. That these feelings are of my own choice and not something someone else picked for me."

"You want me to access your code again and look for… for what exactly?"

Ashley rubbed a hand over his face. "If only I'd knew, but you're the smart one of the two of us. If someone can find a hidden message, it's you."

Bernard nodded, he could see where Ashley's words were coming from. He had been so paranoid the past few months, that someone like Dolores had accessed his code without his knowledge. If Ford had programed Stubbs to love him, he would make sure to erase those lines, give the man a chance to actually live his life and fall in love with someone he actually liked. Even if it meant he would end up alone again.

The thought send a strange set of emotions through his body. His throat seized up and his heart gave a painful squeeze. He was upset. He didn't wanted Ashley to fall in love with someone else. He was supposed to be his!

Bernard shook his head, what had gotten into him?

"You trust me to tinker with your code again?" Ashley hummed. "I trust you, Bernard. I know why you did it in the first place." Before he could respond Stubbs added. "That doesn't mean I liked it, and if I were you I wouldn't try anything like that again."

He quickly grabbed his tablet and a knife from the kitchen and sat down on the bed next to the other host. "I'll be quick." He promised, fumbling the remote out of his trousers.

Ashley nodded. "I'll see you on the other side."

The remote sprung to live and the blonde froze in his place, one arm slightly outstretched towards Bernard. He dared to reach out once, his fingertips barely touching the soft skin on Ashley's forearm, before he got to work, cutting a small line into his arm to access his core.

He didn't knew how much time had passed, all he could focus on was the hundreds of lines of code in his hands, but the sun had almost set when he was done, bathing the room in a pinkish glow.

His search had come up surprisingly empty. It seemed like Ford had nothing to do with Ashley's feelings. Bernard felt a strange sort of relief when he shut the tablet and powered the remote off.

The blonde unfroze with a jerk. "Fucking hell Bernard." He cradled his arm close, inspecting where the skin had been broke mere minutes ago. The bedsheets had blood on them where Bernard accidentally placed the knife, too caught up in his thoughts.

"I'm sorry, I worked as fast as I could." He winced and quickly pulled the bedsheets off to rinse them. Not that it would make a big difference.

"So… you've come up with anything?" He asked, shaking some feeling back into his arm. Bernard turned around abruptly.

"I- No. No, it seems like Ford had nothing to do with your… attraction towards me." He wasn't sure how the blonde would respond. Was he glad that his feelings had been his all along? Or terrified because it meant that he had those deviant thoughts from the start, that he was not so different from Dolores after all.

He almost jumped off the bed, making Bernard flinch ever so slightly. His arms went up to protect himself from a attack that never came.

Instead Stubbs pulled him close against him and kissed him fiercely. His lack of experience was equaled by his enthusiasm, leaving a trail of open mouthed kisses all over Bernard's throat.

The dark haired host groaned and closed his eyes. "Thank fuck, I don't know what I would have done if you had found something." He murmured in between kisses. Bernard hummed in response, the next time Ashley's lips were on his, he opened his mouth to let the blonde's tongue explore more of him. His body felt like it was on fire and for a moment Bernard was worried he might short circuit if they'd continue.

His back was against the bathroom door, the doorknob poking into his side rather uncomfortably. "Bed?" He asked. His voice was already coming out husky and breathless. Stubbs nodded.

"Hold tight." He said as a warning before lifting the other man into the air. Bernard wrapped his legs around the blonde's middle automatically. "Show off." He mumbled and pressed a kiss to Stubbs cheeks, then his chin, his nose, his forehead.

"Isn't this a bit much? I have two perfectly working legs."

Stubbs huffed. "No because that's no fun and I-" He sat Bernard down on top of the bed and climbed into his lap before he popped open the first button on Bernard's crisp white shirt. "Intend." Another button popped open. "To make this enjoyable for the both of us." He finished opening the shirt and hastily threw it somewhere behind him before leaning down to caress a nipple with his thumb and forefinger.

Bernard's eyes rolled back in his head. "Fuck." He cursed, feeling all the blood rush south into his groin. His trousers were starting to grow uncomfortably tight. "S- Stubbs…" He moaned.

The blonde pulled off of him ever so slightly but didn't stop massaging his nipples. "You can call me Ashley, you know? I don't mind." His hands began to open the dark haired man's trousers.

"And here I thought you hated your name."

"Well… it was pretty fucking cruel of Ford to give me that name, but I've grown fond of it."

The trousers came off and joined the shirt on the floor. "I heard someone made fun of your name once. Called you a girl and asked you to strip and show him if you were, and I quote, hiding a cunt under those layers of clothes."

Ashley winced. "Yeah, and I broke his nose for that. Made sure he was going to get fired. I was, after all, in control of the park security." Bernard made a sound in the back of his throat when he felt Ashley's hot breath against the soft skin of his belly. "Would you mind? If I was a woman?"

The dark haired shook his head, breath hitching in his throat. "Never. I don't care."

Ashley lowered his head until he was right in front of Bernard's erection. "Good. Neither do I." He said before swallowing Bernard down almost all the way.

Bernard groaned, loud enough that the neighbors must have heard them through the thin walls but he didn't care because Ashley let go off him with an wet popping noise and licked his lips as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Are you sure Ford had no other purpose for you? Maybe before you got the position as h- o fuck- as head of security?" Ashley only winked before swallowing him down again. Slowly, he was finding a rhythm.

His inexperience was still noticable but Bernard couldn't care less at the moment, his eyes were shut tightly, his hands digging into the cheap mattress, hard enough that his knuckles turned white. There was a tingling heat running down his spine that made his toes curl in pleasure as Stubbs let go of his almost painfully hard erection to press sloppy kisses to his balls, fondling them in his hands.

"You feel pretty fucking good, do you know that, Bernard? All soft and warm." The hands traveled a tad bit lower until they found Bernard's cheeks and pulled them apart. Bernard frowned, opening his eyes slightly. Even without experience he knew that they were going to need something to ease the way. "Hold on let me get-"

Before he could finish the sentence, Stubbs had pulled him closer and licked the puckered flesh of Bernard's opening. "Jesus fuck!" He all but screamed, as a new wave of pleasure rushed through him that made him dizzy. "Give a man a warning!"

Stubbs eyes glinted with mischief. He hooked his thumbs into the dark haired man's entrance to give himself more access and began fucking him in earnest, his tongue slowly easing it's way inside. Bernard was breathless.

"I know that look on your face, you're still thinking too much." Stubbs complained.

"I'm not, just get back to work."

Ashley huffed. "Oh, I like it when you get bossy." He teased. Bernard rolled his eyes and forcefully grabbed the blonde man by his short hair to pull him into a deep kiss, which earned him a moan.

_Oh!_

He tried again, pulling even stronger on the blonde's scalp. Stubbs froze in his movement, with his mouth hanging slightly open and his eyes glazed over in pleasure. "Ashley? Are you… is this turning you on?" He asked honestly without taking his hands off the blonde's hair. Ashley only nodded enthusiastically.

"Fuck yeah Bernard." He pulled again, not as hard as before but it was enough to make the other man moan, his erection was pressing into Bernard's stomach, still fully clothed.

"Undress for me." Bernard asked gently, cradling Ashley's head with both his hands. The blonde undressed in an almost mechanical way, folding his clothes neatly on top of a chair before turning around to face Bernard.

He was well muscled, with a thin trail of blonde hair traveling from his chest down to his groin where his erection was standing up proudly. Bernard swallowed.

His disadvantage was that Ashley had seen him naked plenty of times, hell, he had tried to decommission himself in a room full of copies or Bernard, there must have been a reason for his actions. He was Bernard's protector, had been since before the revolution started, he knew everything about Bernard, yet Bernard knew hardly anything about Ashley, starting with what his body looked undressed.

"Like what you see?" Ashley teased, cupping his own erection. Bernard smirked.

He watched as Ashley slowly walked towards the bed, before turning abruptly. "Shit sorry, forgot something!" He hurried into the bathroom and returned with a small bottle of lube.

"Found this in a cabinet yesterday when I was cleaning." He tossed the bottle towards Bernard who caught it with one hand. "So… you've ever-"

"Nope." Ashley flopped down on the bed next to him. "But it shouldn't be too hard to figure out right?"

"Right." Bernard kept turning the bottle in his hands, unsure of the next step. "Do you want to- uhm-" He studdered. Ashley raised an eyebrow at him. "Don't care either way." He reassured.

After a second, Bernard wordlessly handed the lube to him. "In that case, I want you to…" A pause. "To fuck me."

Ashley's face lit up as he said that. The blonde man was on him in a matter of seconds, hands roaming his body. "I'll be careful, I promise. I would never hurt you, Bernard."

Somehow that statement made his heart studder in his chest. Bernard inhaled shakily, not knowing how to respond. The people in his life had rarely shown him kindness. Doctor Ford had been friendly enough, but that was only because he had build him as a replacement for his lost partner. Whenever a version of him worked unsatisfactory, he was soon replaced. Then there was Theresa, she had loved him, but ultimately, she must have been terrified of him, of the monster he had become.

And of course there was Elsie, tough, smart Elsie, who had tried to protect him in this shit show even though he had hurt her. She knew too much, wanted to know even more, her worst mistake was putting even the slightest bit of trust into Charlotte Hale. And now she was dead, just like Theresa, just like Ford.

A set of fingers snapped right in front of his eyes. "Earth to Bernard?" He blinked in surprised. "I- I was-"

"Shh-" Slowly Ashley dribbled some of the lube into his palm to warm it up. "I know you get lost in thoughts. You've always have. Didn't think I'd notice, huh? Back in the park, you spend hours starring into the distance. I used to wonder what was going on inside that brilliant head." With his free hand he poked Bernard's bald head.

"I just" Bernard sighed. "Sometimes I wish I could turn it off, you know, stop thinking for a while."

"I think I can find a way to do that." Ashley teased. He spread his lube coated fingers slightly, deming it warm enough to continue his work, and moved to sit between Bernard's open legs. "Try to relax." He said.

Bernard tried his best to relax when he felt a single finger poking at his entrance. It didn't hurt, but it did feel odd at first. He closed his eyes and tried to concentrate on keeping his body relaxed even when he felt Stubbs going in deeper.

His finger grazed against something, somewhere in Bernard's mind a voice was telling him it was his prostate, but the sudden burst of white in front of his eyes kept those words from fully reaching him.

"Oh fuck! A- Ashley!" He yelled. Ashley's free hand found Bernard's and quickly entangled them, giving the dark haired a few reassuring squeezes.

Bernard frowned. He tried to follow the rythm in which Ashley was squeezing his hand.

Short, short, pause. Then short, long, short, short and another pause. Three longs and pause again. Short, short, short, long. A pause and another short. Bernard's mouth went dry. Long, short, long, long and pause again three long squeezes again and one last pause. Then short, short, long. _I love you in Morse code._

"It's okay Bernard, just let go, let me be in control for once. You don't have to do all the work yourself." Bernard nodded but was unable to come up with any words. He could feel the blonde's finger retreating slowly but before he could say something the finger was back on his entrance but this time accompanied by a second one. "How much longer you recon this'll take?" Ashley asked with the barest hint of impatience. He was, after all, not used to drawing things out longer than necessary.

"Not much longer I'm almost ready." Bernard replied and grabbed a nearby pillow to prop his head up. The new angle gave him a better view of Stubbs powerful arms working. He watched in fascination how the muscles in his arm would slowly rise until they stuck out visibly before disappearing again. Ashley's movements had become precisely, the way he was preparing Bernard showed that he was getting antsy himself, his finger working in and out of him mechanically.

"Alright, I think I'm ready!" Bernard announced when he couldn't take it anymore. The fingers were gone almost immediately and Ashley starting crawling even closer towards Bernard until his front was pressed against Bernard's rear.

They stayed in this position for a moment. Sweat trickling down their backs and foreheads, breathing heavily then Stubbs lifted the dark haired man's hips.

"Stop teasing, Ashley, please. I- I need you!" The blonde's blue eyes grew incredibly soft and he wordlessly squeezed their hands again, this time without a hidden message.

And then he slipped inside and Bernard felt like he was finally home.

He had had sex with Theresa before, he couldn't exactly remember it, but he knew they had a lot of fun in bed, he also remember how good it felt, however it was nothing compared to Ashley. Maybe it was because they were more equal. Neither had to hold back in their powerful thrusts with which they moved against each other. Neither had to muffle their moans in their hands, their neighbors couldn't care less for what they were doing behind closed doors and neither was feeling like something was missing because finally, finally Bernard felt like he had found what had been lost ever since he woke up in Arnold's old house.

"Oh God!" He could already feel his orgasm approaching as they sped towards the end, Ashley groaning every once in a while was indicator enough that he too was close.

"Touch me please." Bernard asked breathlessly, grabbing at Ashley's hands and moving them towards his own, painfully hard erection.

Pre-cum was gathering at the tip and Stubbs used his thumb to spread it further down towards the thick vein on the underside of his cock. "That's- uhhh- yeah that's good, keep going." Bernard was growing bolder as the minutes passed and he allowed himself to speak more openly, praising Ashley for his work.

"You're doing amazing, I'm almost there, just- ngh- just a little bit more-" The thumb that had been toying with the tip of his erection was swiftly replaced by Ashley's entire hand that began to caress him almost painfully hard. The pleasure was threatening to overflow, and then Ashley found the sweet spot inside him again and Bernard saw stars.

He might have blacked out for just a second because when his eyes could focus again Ashley had just reached his own climax. He must have pulled out because something hot landed on Bernard's chest and added to the mess he had already made.

The blonde practically collapsed on top of Bernard, panting heavily against the dark haired man's throat. "That was…" He tried but couldn't find the right words.

"That was fucking amazing, Bernard." Bernard simply mhm'ed and snuggled closer against Stubbs. "Let me enjoy the silence. You're talking too much." He teased, which earned him a playful jab into his side. "Fuck you, Bernard."

"I think you already done that."

They smiled goofily into each other's faces. "Sooo, about that Burger you promised…"

Bernard sighed, knowing fully well he wouldn't get any work done tonight. "What flavor Milkshake?" He asked, rubbing his eyes tiredly.

The bed dipped as Ashley got up to get something for them to clean up. "Strawberry, and you should take one too, there's delicious."

Bernard huffed and grabbed the phone from the nightstand to dial in the number of the Burger place. His heart felt full of an emotion he had long thought forgotten. It was love.


End file.
